Self-help guide
After something frightening or painful, the reactions you are having usually ease with time.
A plain-language guide to the common reactions after a frightening, dangerous or painful event, and the things that tend to help in the weeks that follow.
If you have been through something frightening, dangerous or deeply painful, the days and weeks afterward can feel strange and unsettled. Strong reactions at a time like this are not a sign of weakness, and they are not a sign that something is wrong with you.
This is general information, written by our clinicians to help you make sense of what you might be feeling. It is not personal clinical advice, and it cannot tell you what is happening for you in particular or replace talking with your GP or a psychologist. If you are worried about yourself or someone close to you, please reach out to one of the services listed further down this page.
What is going on
Common reactions, and why they happen
After a frightening or painful event, the mind and body react in ways that can feel overwhelming. Phoenix Australia, which sets Australia's trauma guidelines, describes these as normal responses to an abnormal event. For most people they begin to settle over the weeks that follow.
In the early days afterward, it is common to feel shock, to be tearful or numb, or to swing between the two. You might notice some of the following, and you may notice them coming in waves rather than all at once.
- Intrusive memories, images or moments that arrive unbidden during the day, or as dreams and broken sleep at night
- Feeling on edge, jumpy or easily startled, as though your body is braced and watching for danger
- Avoiding reminders of what happened, the people, places, conversations or news that bring it back
- Numbness or feeling distant, cut off from people, or flat where you would usually feel something
- Waves of grief if you have lost someone or something, where the sharpness comes and goes
- Trouble concentrating, sleeping or settling, a short fuse, or a body that feels permanently tired and wired
These reactions are the mind and body trying to process and make sense of what happened. They are not a flaw in you, and for most people they ease gradually over the weeks after the event without any formal treatment. Knowing they are common is itself part of recovering.
Things that can help
Gentle steps that tend to help
There is no single right way to get through this, and you do not have to do everything at once. These are safe, practical steps that Australian trauma services suggest can support your natural recovery. Take only what feels useful to you.
Coming back to the present when a memory hits
When a distressing memory or flashback arrives, it can help to gently bring yourself back to the here and now. Notice where you are, push your feet into the floor, and name a few things you can see, hear and touch right now. Working through the five senses, one at a time, reminds your body that the event is in the past and that you are safe in this moment.
Keeping some structure to your days
Even a loose routine helps when everything feels uncertain. Try to keep regular times for meals, daylight, movement and rest. Small, ordinary tasks, the ones you can still manage, give the day shape and a sense that some things are steady and within your control.
Protecting your sleep
Sleep is often the first thing to be disturbed, and it matters a great deal for recovery. A wind-down routine, a dark and quiet room, and easing back on caffeine, alcohol and screens late in the day can all help. If sleep stays badly broken, it is worth mentioning to your GP.
Gentle movement and care for your body
A short walk, some stretching or any activity you enjoy can take the edge off tension and help discharge some of the body's alarm. Eating something regularly and drinking water matter more than they might seem to when you are stretched.
Leaning on people you trust
Staying connected to people who feel safe is one of the strongest supports there is. You do not have to recount what happened to be with others. Sometimes ordinary company, a meal, or letting someone help with a practical task is exactly what is needed.
Pacing your exposure to reminders and news
Reminders, including repeated news, social media or coverage of the event, can keep the alarm switched on. It is reasonable to limit how much you take in, and to step away when you need to. Easing back toward reminders gently, in your own time, is fine; flooding yourself with them is not.
You do not have to talk about what happened before you are ready. And please do not push yourself to deliberately relive or go back over the memory on your own in the hope of getting it out of your system. For frightening memories, that kind of work is done carefully, gradually and with a trained psychologist alongside you, never alone. If reminders feel like too much, it is okay to step back and seek support rather than press on by yourself.
“Strong reactions after a frightening event are the mind trying to make sense of it, not a sign that something is wrong with you.”
When to seek more help
When it is worth reaching out
Most reactions ease over the first weeks. Sometimes they do not, and that is a good reason to get some support. It is not a sign you have failed at coping.
Phoenix Australia suggests considering professional support when the reactions are not settling. It is worth speaking with your GP or a psychologist if:
- The reactions are not easing after about a month, or are getting worse rather than better
- They are stopping you from functioning at work, at home, or in your relationships
- You are relying on alcohol or other substances to get through, or pulling away from everyone
- You have thoughts of harming yourself, or feel that you cannot keep yourself safe
If you are in immediate danger, or worried you might act on thoughts of harming yourself, call 000 now. For support any time of the day or night, Lifeline is on 13 11 14. If what happened involved sexual assault, or domestic or family violence, 1800RESPECT is on 1800 737 732. You can also speak with your GP, who can help you find the right support. Reaching out early is a strength, not a last resort.
If it is sitting heavily, you do not have to carry it alone
When you are ready, our clinicians offer trauma and grief therapy that is paced entirely to you, and you never go near the difficult material on your own. Request an appointment, or call 0452 452 262. You do not need a referral for a private appointment, and you can ask us anything first.
Explore trauma & grief therapySources: Phoenix Australia, Centre for Posttraumatic Mental Health, Australian Guidelines for the Prevention and Treatment of Acute Stress Disorder, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and Complex PTSD, and public information on coping after a traumatic event. Blue Knot Foundation, National Centre of Excellence for Complex Trauma, guidance on understanding and recovering from trauma. 1800RESPECT (national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service), 1800 737 732. Head to Health (Australian Government), information and links to trauma and mental health support. Crisis and support lines: Lifeline 13 11 14; 000 in an emergency. This page is general information written by our clinicians, not a substitute for individual clinical advice, and these are general resources rather than a personal recommendation.